eNothin Report: Ohio Department of Health Finds Cure to Senioritis in Vaccine on April 1st
The negative effects of senioritis have swept high schoolers across the nation since the second semester started, but the students of Perrysburg High School are unaffected as of April 1st.
With recording-breaking attendance rates, participation, and good grades, students of Perrysburg High School are making history with a new vaccination trial.
Studies show the mandatory meningitis vaccine seniors receive has been laced with a new chemical — LazeAway — and it is positively changing the actions of the seniors at Perrysburg High School.
One senior reflects on the current semester, “I have never felt so energized! I got more than 8 hours of sleep! My homework done on time, and I have been to school every day this semester! Even on weekends!”
Seniors aren’t the only ones affected by this uptick in energy. The school nurse, Debby Rettick, notes that she’s “had the least amount of students visit [her] office since [she] started working at Perrysburg.” She says she has never been more relieved by how healthy Perrysburg’s students are. She is shocked by this positive pandemic of pep: “It’s a nurse’s dream.”
The Ohio Department of Health has researched the chemicals used to vaccinate Perrysburg’s students against senioritis. They say it is completely safe.
“We used Perrysburg High School as a test center for this new chemical,” comments Health department member Dr. Issa Joak. “And, we are not upset by the results it produced. In fact, the sharp increase in attendance surpassed our goal completely. At this rate, the senior class may never leave!”
If you are a fellow senior student experiencing these symptoms, do not be alarmed. Although no one expected this change in the senior students’ attitudes towards school, everyone can now look forward to ending the school year on a very productive note.
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